"Prince of the Night", an open letter by Pat Reilly
Photo credit: Nicolette Daskalakis
Since day one, music has been a cathartic form of expression for me. Before I even began making music myself, I’d use music to release my own problems into the world and take a little break from my mind. Writing music feels like an extension of that; it’s a release from the confines of the disorganized mess that lives in my brain. Once I put out my first single, “Time,” I felt that freedom and wanted more, so I continued to put out more and more singles. Somewhere along the way I jumped into the pool of artists pursuing music as a career and I felt cornered into THINKING a lot more about music rather than the FEELING of music I had once honored.
Then March 14th 2020 came along and the Coronavirus meteor crashed into everyone’s schedules, reminding us all that we aren’t, in fact, invisible. When Los Angeles (where I currently live) went into lockdown it kind of felt like a relief from the rat race of life that I’d been caught up in. I had been constantly rushing around, trying to do as much work as possible, and filling my time with projects to keep from focusing on myself. I felt an ease about going into social isolation. I read more, felt the nostalgic joy of gaming again, and worked on some creative aspects of my life that I had let go to the wayside. And, as with most of my free time, the shield of business had fallen down and everything underneath started to bubble up. I started experiencing overwhelming feelings of panic, anxiety, and fear. I knew that I had to get out of it somehow, and so I started to write and came up with the title track for my EP, “Prince of the Night.” During this time I was also finding a lot of comfort in watching superhero shows, like My Hero Academia and Avatar, and referring to the women in comic books who I had admired as a child for their emotion, bravery, and sensuality, all while fighting evil. This brought me so much strength and, consequently, inspired my music, and I decided to channel my fear, anxiety, and pain into creating my new EP. I pivoted in a direction I’ve never been before, tapping into a more weighty and emotional dark-pop sound. I needed this to pull me from the softness I am used to engaging in my work. I needed a character to lean on. I needed someone to fight these battles for me that I felt my purest self couldn’t manage. So, here we are, 8 months later, and I feel like I’ve released so much baggage that I’ve only been lightly touching on for the past 28 years of my life. ‘Prince of the Night’ is a tale of catharsis, ego, pain, mindfulness, and lies that feel like truth.
Track-By-Track Breakdown
Act of Love:
“Act of Love” is a track that was built off of the Yung Pueblo quote, “being honest with yourself is an act of love,” which takes front and center as the chorus of the song. This track documents the relationship I have with my anxiety and the fierce resurrection it had inside of me at the beginning of quarantine. I'm talking directly to it, engaging with it, and, ultimately, leaving it behind. I wanted to keep the mantra as the chorus because it reminds me to always acknowledge my feelings throughout my journey. Though it doesn't need to hold power over me, anxiety is a very real experience and it feels very real in my body. When I acknowledge that, and I'm honest with how I'm feeling, I can dispel the power it has over me. I hope this track gives rise to a culture of acknowledgment and release because I believe that's the first step in curing emotional pain — something that everyone has experienced this year.
Prince of the Night:
The title track, “Prince of the Night,” is the pinnacle song in this bundle of self exploration because it encapsulates my addiction to my own pain, anger, and self-loathing. It personifies it into a lover who I can't get enough of...my ‘Prince of the Night’! Jesse Saint John helped me write this one, and once he was on board, the imagery all seemed to come together...
Let’s Fight:
“Let’s Fight” postures as a ballad, but really it’s bringing the smoke. I liked that contrast for this piece because it points to the vulnerability in anger. Nobody wants to encounter conflict, but it happens because there is a transformation going on underneath. I think this is shown particularly in the chorus with the strings behind the vocals — there’s a beauty in the breakdown.
Adamantine
“Adamantine” is about a love so strong that it feels controlling. It's my response to a lover who is trying too hard to be a good boyfriend, and ultimately suffocates the relationship. During quarantine I've lived with my partner and we’ve both had to figure out how we can have our own space during this time while also not being able to physically distance from each other. Through some tough conversations, we found a way to honor each other's individuality so that we can flow again. This song plays on those conversations in a cheeky way.
Who U R
This last track really rounds out the whole experience because it's the message I had to digest in order to move forward in this lockdown. Facing my demons time and time again has been challenging, but through this continued exploration (which has, honestly, felt like a war sometimes), I’ve found that I do, in fact, like myself. And reminding myself of that every day has brought me a lot of strength and presence to carry on.