"Letting go of my control", an open letter by Reminiscence
There are some things in my past that have influenced me greatly, both positively and negatively. I'm still figuring myself out, and I do not rush any progress with that! I'm only 18, so I know I have time. One thing I have figured out is that I have been obsessed with trying to control things, mostly in the relationships that I've been in.
Whenever I got into a relationship or began talking to someone, I would constantly wonder what the other person was doing 24/7 and It's all that I thought about. I didn't realize that it was unhealthy to obsess that much until I realized that thinking that way was getting in the way of my music. There is this one guy I used to see almost every day of the week who lived an hour and a half away from me. I would prioritize him over creating music, and then become stressed whenever I couldn't write a song or produce a track. I only realized that my creativity was taking a blow AFTER we had broken up.
I guess I was trying to control HIS feelings for me, even though I actually have no control over that in reality. I would always write songs about him and try to manifest him back, but my attempts always failed. This went on for a whole year, and it wasn't until a couple days ago that I finally let go of him and cut him off (we still continued to talk as friends even after we broke up). I finally saw that I was trying to get him to still like me after all that time, when I should have been caught up working on my music career. I really feel like I could be further ahead than I am now if I never met him, but I also realize that he was in my life to teach me a lesson.
These lessons were: Know your worth, know your priorities, and let go of control. He gave me experiences to write about, and what to look out for in a lover.
I have been very good about letting go of control recently. I have finally put faith into the universe that whatever is meant to be will happen in divine timing. I can't force something if it's not meant for me at that time. When I wrote 'In Love With You' it was originally about wondering how I still have feelings for this guy after all I was put through, but now I think it has a new purpose for me. It's now a time capsule of my feelings and a reminder to sit back and let the universe handle everything.
I also want to let the person reading this know: What's meant to be will come to you when it is meant to come to you. It's going to turn out fine! I thought it was the end of the world whenever this guy and I broke up and I was shot that I couldn't control his feelings, but it's going to turn out okay :)
- Gabe (Reminiscence)