Ben's open letter
Dear mental health,
I love you,
But I hate you, as well!
Especially when you make me go through hell.
But then you’re healthy,
And all is good and well.
That’s why I hate you,
But I love you as well.
It’s always tempting to turn a blind eye to our relationship with our own mental health.
Does refusing to visit a sick friend, because you can’t handle being confronted with how poorly they are, make you a bad friend? Maybe, but it’s better than being completely unaware of their illness in the first place.
First you become aware; then you heal.
I have spent a great deal of my youth fishing in an empty ocean; blissfully unaware of how desolate it was below the beautiful dark-blue water. Why? Probably because I would rather sit on dry land, perhaps risking only my seemingly endless time, than jump in the unknown and potentially drown myself with the fact that I might never catch a fish.
The worst part is, I would be lying if I said that I was sitting there alone.
Luckily, I took the leap of faith.
I decided to step out of the mainstream path of academic studying, allowing me not to take responsibility for myself for as long as possible, and be confronted by myself and my mental health through my songwriting. And yes, I am gasping for air right now, but at least I’m aware of how I’m feeling and therefore, slowly healing.
The vulnerability reflective songwriting brings with it is very painful, especially if you aren’t expected to present yourself as vulnerable. However, it allows me to work towards self-acceptance and in the process, can work therapeutically for others going through similar situations. And even if they can’t relate to my specific situation, most can relate to the exciting prospect of all the opportunities tomorrow may bring.
This is the idea behind my latest single: Try Again, Tomorrow.
Although it originated from a dark place in my mental space, creating a song with such a positive and hopeful message, especially at a time where positivity and hope are seemingly very difficult to come by, gives me an amount of satisfaction that is incomparable to what I felt during my studies as a medical student. That’s why I know that I made the right decision: the satisfaction tells me I am going through my healing process.
Why do I mention this? Well, when my friend, my mental health, was ill, I used to always tell him to cheer up and distract him with instant gratification. He didn’t really get better; just unaware of how ill he was. Now, when my friend gets ill, I confront him with the fact that he’s probably causing his own illness through his unsatisfactory lifestyle.
So, dear mental health, don’t seek distraction; seek satisfaction.
And if you can’t find it today, try again tomorrow!
Much love,
Ben
Stream “Try Again, Tomorrow” here
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