Christopher's open letter
Dear Mental Health,
You and I have lived about a dozen lifetimes together…
Though, I never feel like I’ve addressed your directly. You have made me very aware of your presence though. I guess you can say I’ve left you on “read” for a very long time.
Hitting me up at every hour of the day and night, relentlessly infiltrating my thoughts, interrupting me at the very worst times. Even before being left on “read” was a thing, always knocking at my door seeing if I’m home for you to see if I’d come out and play. When I was a kid, I didn’t even know what to call you. I don’t even think I was sure what the word was for you. I just found myself asking “what even is this? why do I feel this way? this goes away right?”
The truth is, and I finally feel like I can say this to you, but I’m scared to respond to you. I’m scared to read what you’re trying to tell me. I DO NOT want to come out and play with you. You know what would happen if I do? I won’t eat, I won’t sleep. I’d be too preoccupied with whatever it is that you want me to do and i’d forget to spend time with people that love me. People that tell me all the time, don’t give in to you.
But I can’t ignore the fact that you are there. You are here.
My acknowledgment of you took such a long time, I honestly don’t know where to go from here. But whatever we do, please don’t take my life from me. Let me be able to eat and sleep. Let me be able to be the person I need to be for myself, my family, and those I hold dearest. This could either be the start of a beautiful relationship, or possibly the end of me. So, be weary of that.
This is me acknowledging you.
- Christopher Lee “NonSense” Aguilo