"In Feelings", an open letter by Lisa Caruso
Photo credit: Adam Singer
Life is but a dream.
We are here, and then we leave. We form relationships, hobbies, rituals and memories; we build stories unique to ourselves, and we journey through a life full of possibilities. Some of us are fortunate to have more opportunity than others, whilst others are faced with difficulties. Every corner we turn, there are some more ‘better off’; some more ‘worse off’. This broad spectrum holds relevance for me and is where being grateful became my strength to completing this album. Above all, I’m grateful for the love that I’ve had in my life and continue to receive; for my upbringing and for the support that surrounds me. I truly believe that ‘love does conquer all’. Community is everything.
In sickness and in health, my debut album In Feelings is a collection of songs written over a fairly long period of time. Varied in dynamic and expression, each song is honest, bold, and unafraid. My producer and I chased my heart on sleeve lyrics with instrumentation and production to match; and with songs that are sometimes somber and sometimes explosive, they each hold melodies that dance around differing colour palettes, painting pictures of upset, happiness, and determination.
‘In Feelings’ because it has many, and because it is a nod to David Lynch and Roy Orbisons ‘In dreams’. I love film music, and I love the 60s era. The album holds nostalgia from these two things, as well as from the inspiration of 90s and 2000s indie queens I have grown up with and admired. PJ Harvey, Martha Wainwright and Cat Power, to name a few, have undoubtedly paved the way in confidence for this very independent release.
I’ve loved to sing since I was very small. Always performing in front of family, which then turned into forming a girl group and singing at talent contests. It wasn’t long before I knew this was my dream, but it became my recording dream after obsessing over Martha Wainwright’s Untitled debut album; a tapestry of sound so thoughtful and well arranged. I released an EP in 2014 with flourishes and aspirations of romance, and in 2020, released an album more rocking and forthright than before.
The reason why this album took a little longer to release is because I have an auto immune disease called Crohns Disease, which at the time of demoing and recording put a bit of a halt in the process. Diagnosed in my early teens, I have lived with Crohns for more than half my life. It can be and has been upsetting, having to live with something that will sometimes stop you from doing what you love most, but I’ve learnt to improvise and roll with the punches when need be. Things take time, and now, after this release, I can see why it did. I’m not upset about the illness anymore. When once singing was the something I couldn’t do when upset, it’s now the medicine I use to calm myself, and the thing that will ‘bring me back’.
Ready and raring to go for album number two, I’m proud of In Feelings purpose and reach. I made this album for myself, for my family, and for for the millions who have been unwell, on whatever level, hoping that they might relate and find comfort and inspiration in the music also.
Track by track, as life goes, the album is too a roller coaster. Shake Baby Shake is the opening and is about having an invisible illness, and the hard facts and optimism I’ve learned. As the album continues, we switch to love and sticking up for what’s right, I’ve also got bite, the journey continues. Track 4 Moonshine turns inward looking upon something more, and so it continues...
It’s been a privilege to be able to perform these songs in the midst of a global pandemic. Pending on the day, week, or month, songs will pop out as my favourites. In relevance to this here now, track 8, Joni, is one which resonates. Grateful for the kindness in people, Joni speaks of a dear friend of mine and the support she gave before losing touch after falling ill.
With community and all of life’s brighter shades and darker shadows, we should be so proud of all we accomplished. With determination, gratefulness, and with thanks to love and community, I finally see now that music is quite literally medicine. And I think that the more we love, the harder we grieve. There is no yin without our yang, and life happens and we’re made to pivot. Some say we have no choice but too.
- Lisa