“Embracing Yes”, an open letter by Sabrina Carmen
Photo credit: Mary Vincenti
Throughout my life, I’ve had many victories from saying “yes” to opportunities I didn’t feel ready for. I’ve simultaneously missed out when I’ve said “no,” “not now,” “not yet,” or even worse, didn’t say anything at all. One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn is that sitting on the fence of indecision is still a decision.
I’m not suggesting we say “yes” if someone is asking us to jump off a cliff or wants us to do something that goes against our values. But in most cases worry, anxiety, and all the other cousins of fear are what prevent us from saying “yes” to something or someone.
So this is my story of embracing “yes.”
I said “yes” at seven years old when mom asked me if I wanted to audition for the local theatre company’s production of “Annie.” (Funny how easy it is to be unapologetically authentic and fearless when you're a kid). By this time, I had already performed on stage as a baby ballerina, and the thought of being on stage again in front of a live audience excited me more than anything else in the world. That one “yes” led to my being cast as the understudy for the youngest orphan, Molly. I sang, danced, and acted my little heart out, and I only had one speaking part in the entire show... “Did ya hear it?” was the one line that lit up my world. This “yes” led to my being cast in many more equity productions, and even to another production of “Annie” when I was 12 - only this time, I was cast as Annie. I felt unstoppable.
Then mom died from breast cancer when I was 13 years old, and it sort of shattered my perfect little world. I’m blessed that I had amazing female role models who stepped in to help raise me, and a truly generous father, who took on the difficult job of single dad and number one cheerleader. Writing songs became a therapeutic outlet for me; the light of the happy-go-lucky musical theatre kid began to dim and was replaced with a more introspective, moody, and thought-provoking songwriter. My interests began changing and my voice matured. On the night of mom’s memorial service, I said “yes” to going to an open mic night in LA with a family friend that evening. (I think my dad wanted me to have some kind of distraction, so he was okay with it). That night was the first time I sang a pop song in front of a live audience. I loved it, and my dad brought me back every Monday evening for years - this was the place I experimented with my sound, sang covers of every genre, and even started sharing some of my originals.
Years of honing my skills combined with saying “yes” led to being in the right place at the right time on many occasions. Some of my favorite moments have included acting in the film “Elena Undone” and having my song 'Suddenly' featured on the soundtrack, performing on Jimmy Kimmel Live with Youngblood Hawke & Thirty Seconds to Mars, recording vocals for the Thirty Seconds to Mars album 'LOVE LUST FAITH + DREAMS,' singing background vocals for Janelle Monáe in a national Gap holiday commercial, singing on "The Late Late Show" with James Corden, and becoming the voice of several commercial voice-over campaigns.
The voice-over branch of my tree I find especially funny, because never in a million years did I think I would do voice-over acting! I randomly stumbled into it when I was hired to sing the theme song of a new animation feature. It was an indie project, and I had gotten pretty close to the director. One day during a production meeting, he asked if I also did voice-over acting and if I was interested in playing one of the characters. I said, “yes” but I was panicking inside... I literally didn’t know anything about the voice-over world. At the time I was also in an on-camera acting class, and I brought up the opportunity to my teacher and asked her if she knew of any voice-over coaches I should train with. She recommended someone I ended up studying with for a long while and becoming very good friends with! The funnier part is, that the original animation film ended up falling through, but if I hadn't have said “yes” to the opportunity, it would never have led me down the wonderful path that the voice-over world has brought me.
In 2019-2021, I said “yes” to marrying my best friend, “yes” to buying a condo, and then “yes” to opening a brick & mortar music lesson studio, “Blue Box Music” (wait WHAT?!) Ya. Like legit grown-up adulting kind of stuff. Marriage, real estate, starting a business... All of those things can be scary. Like jumping through hoops of fire. There are no guarantees in life, and we never know what tomorrow will bring. All we can do is our best, and choose wisely - be with the right person, so you can start living your best lives together and telling your best stories.
The perfect example of something looming around the corner that nobody saw coming: COVID-19. So much change happened during the pandemic; it was another major era of transition. I had to sink or swim and say “yes” to learning how to make my home studio broadcast quality (out of necessity), so I could record my voice-over jobs and vocals as a session singer from home. I’ve always had a strange fear of technology and a mental block against it, so this was a huge obstacle for me to overcome.
Fear shows up in every part of our lives. If not in our careers, sometimes in relationships. We might be afraid to reach out to people, to make the first move, or to make true connections. But if we don’t try, we miss out on one of the most beautiful parts of life - relationships with the people we choose. Not just family (cause let’s be honest, sometimes the family we are born into doesn’t match our wavelength either). When we let fear get in the way, we are closing the door on forming bonds with the very people we may be destined to meet! Future friends, significant others, co-workers, colleagues, collaborators - they are all out there waiting to be found.
I found a bunch of my soul connections when I said “yes” to joining an online music course and community during the Fall of 2020. I was a little reluctant to put myself out there and even felt kind of lazy and lost, but I’m so glad I did because this course lit a fire in me and changed my life. It was during this time I met some of my recent collaborators - the people who just get me on another artistic level. We’ve been making so much amazing music together and it’s been a joy to share a lot of it with the world. My newest single, ‘Thicker Than Blood’ is all about those awesome relationships. One day I was sitting in my home studio feeling so grateful for all the amazing people I have in my life - the people I’ve had the privilege of choosing. The people who have lifted me up, encouraged me, and understood all of my creative weirdness. Sometimes those bonds are richer than with those who are our own flesh and blood. That’s when the title ‘Thicker Than Blood’ came to mind, and the chorus melody came pouring out smooth as butter. It was just one of those moments when vibes, lyrics, and melody all aligned. I showed my initial idea to my main crew of collaborators during a Zoom writing session, and we fleshed out the rest of the song together in one evening. It felt powerful. It felt like we wrote it for us, and people like us. The song celebrates the black sheep who find each other, and form bonds that are ‘Thicker Than Blood.’ The right people who make us better, bolder, and unbreakable. Whether you’ve found your people or you’re still searching for them, ‘Thicker Than Blood’ is for you - so you can either feel empowered because of the community you’ve created, or inspired to go find them.
Photo credit: Mary Vincenti
I suppose the moral of the story is to say, “yes! yes! yes!” to cool stuff and cool people that come your way. Even when you’re afraid or think you aren’t worthy - you are! Remember that no one who ever did anything worthwhile or interesting sat by the sidelines and played it safe 100% of the time. They didn’t only see the heads or tails of a 2 sided coin. They saw a 3rd side - the edge.
Remember that indecision is still a decision and that sitting in limbo often leads to spiraling out emotionally (speaking from experience here!) thinking of all the possible bad things that could happen... “What if I do it wrong?” “What if they don’t like me?” “What if I fail?”
Remember that comparison is the root of all evil. Sometimes we may see the success of someone else and think, “Why should I even try?” And in the process, we may miss out on something right in front of us. There is plenty to go around. My hubby is a surfer, and he said something recently that I LOVED. “Sometimes it’s just not your turn to catch the wave - sometimes the wave belongs to someone else.” But the beautiful thing is, there are more than enough waves to go around. I think we all just need to trust the ocean a little more ;)
Let’s also not fool ourselves into thinking that all the cousins, (fear, worry, and anxiety), will ever fully go away. They will always be there because they're just part of the human condition. It’s how we choose to conquer fear and its cousins that matter.
Next time you feel afraid to say “yes” to that career opportunity, coffee date with a new friend, or invitation to a party from someone you’re crushing on, remember that it could be your turn to catch the wave.
Practice Embracing “Yes.” -Sabrina Carmen
Stream “Thicker Than Blood” below: