“Don’t believe everything you think”, an open letter by Parker Graye
Photo credit: Jonathan Spooner / Bronson Whytcross
I’ll be honest - this piece has been difficult for me to write. It took me ages to decide on what exactly I wanted to say. What would folks care about reading? What perspective do I even have to share? I spent a week writing out different opening statements, sleeping on them and quickly discarding them because I didn’t believe they were good enough. I spiraled, knocked around by imposter syndrome and feeling as though my personal experience is hardly interesting. My inner dialogue of overthinking, my fear of success and failure bubbled to the surface. “No one cares about what you think, Parker. You haven’t had any major success.”
My immediate response reminded me of someone..
I had a mentor a few years ago who worked with me on my personal and career development. One day he asked me a very simple but groundbreaking question. “What do you do?” At the time, I was in my 5th year at an organization working in the marketing department. While I was there, I was also trying to figure out what my music career would look like. Tossing a perplexed look his way I responded, “I’m a PR specialist, I work in marketing”.
He responded, “No”.
Uhh, excuse me sir, I’m confused.
He proceeded, “You’re a singer and a songwriter.” My imposter syndrome sirens went off louder than they would if you won a game at your county fair. His response left me triggered and shook. At the time I had no music out, no accolades, no cuts, no fans, NOTHING. Sure, I'd written some songs but I felt as though I needed someone or something else to validate that. When I explained this to him, he said to me “none of that matters”. If I don’t believe that’s what I am, how will anything else believe and how will my dreams fall into place? He reminded me that I have a voice, an opinion, a unique perspective and personal experiences that are relevant to others in the world.
I was assigned essentially forever homework but for that week I had to begin owning the title as a singer and songwriter. For the days and weeks to come, I fought myself on this. I never felt like I was deserving of the title, I hadn’t earned it yet. As silly as it may sound, I would stand in front of my mirror, introduce myself as a songwriter and an artist. Repeating it over and over again. It took me ages until I could confidently, without hesitation, introduce myself as an artist and songwriter.
What my mentor made me realize was that all that time, I never believed in myself. I never believed I was good enough or worthy of achieving my dreams. I never felt like the things I was saying through my songwriting mattered or that people would actually want to listen, or in this case, read what I had to say. At the end of the day, no shiny trophy on a shelf, no pretty ribbon, no name in lights, top spot on a billboard chart or blue check will one day miraculously make you believe in yourself. Sure, they’ll help, but there will always be that inkling of doubt if you don’t remind yourself daily that you ARE good enough, talented enough, smart enough, attractive enough or funny enough to be whatever it is you truly dream of being. You have to believe in yourself, otherwise why would anyone else?
This brings me to my next and final point.
“Don’t believe everything you think”
When that little voice of insecurity gets a little louder, when you hear an artist and think “i’m not as good as them”, when you think you’re not big enough to contact that music blog - don’t believe it. If it’s a possible thought, hell ya - believe those. Don’t believe the thoughts that get in the way of your dreams. Lastly, remember you have a voice, you have a unique story and they are both important and valuable. Share that with the world, even if it’s a little scary.
Xx much love
Parker Graye
Listen to Parker’s new single “Last Time” here
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