"Selfish", an open letter by ÊMIA
Dear College Freshman ÊMIA,
Anh, right now, you’re unpacking boxes.. You can’t wait to live on your own, wear crop tops…and let’s be honest… date. No more lectures and looks of disdain from mom and dad. There’s a lot to look forward to. But listen...you don’t know anything yet.
Being judged by strangers, friends and romantic partners - is gonna hit differently. What they think of you is gonna affect you no matter how much you wish it didn't. Without realizing it, you’re gonna believe that your sexual history is a reflection of your character. You’re gonna answer questions you never felt comfortable answering. You’re gonna feel guilty when you shouldn't. And it's gonna take you a while to stop carrying around shame. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you when it was happening.
Because if I was there, here are a few things I would’ve said:
Remember that time when a bunch of freshman boys stole a key and broke into your boyfriend's room when you were with him? You didn’t deserve that. Those 18 year olds decided to humiliate you for no other reason but to make you uncomfortable.
Remember picking up the phone and hearing your ex tell you “it must be nice for you to exercise your right to sleep around?” You didn’t have to explain that you weren’t. You really don’t. Hang up the phone.
When you move to New York, you don’t have to go on dates if you don’t want to. But if you wanna...stop worrying about your body count. The right person is not going to care. The right person is not going to make you feel guilty.
And yeah, in order to be happy...you’re gonna have to be selfish sometimes. Sometimes doing the right thing for you means you have to be the bad guy. That means breaking someone's heart. That means they’re gonna be angry at you and think less of you. And that is none of your business.
SELFISH is gonna be a hard song to write. Mostly because you secretly don’t think it’s true. But just writing the first few lines is a good start. Like a declaration that the only person who can judge you...is you. And that’s exactly where I want you to be.
Anyways….keep unpacking those boxes, and I’ll see you in the future.
love,
Anh