The Divine Feminine, an open letter by Grace Kay
Photo credit: NYIKO
My understanding of what femininity is has changed so much in my lifetime. Considering my favorite character growing up was Gracie Hart from "Miss Congeniality", my perception of femininity was charged words against the patriarchy, shaming the ultra-feminine, and rejecting the concept of dating altogether.
This understanding – almost obsession – began in high school. I went to a secular all girls school in Pasadena, and when I was admitted, I was thrilled because I’d been bullied by boys in my early school years. I was excited to get back at them with my new girlfriends. In school, the theatre department cast the girls as men in the plays, so of course, who did I audition for? Men. Why? To rub it in their faces that I got the classic parts they would have wanted to play, like John Proctor and Sweeney Todd. When it came to homecoming and prom, I wanted nothing to do with dates. I was of course going to arrive stag, alongside the other stag girls because that was how to really stick it to the patriarchy.
Across the table from my hatred of men, sat my judgment. NOT just of men, but of the ultra feminine: the girls who liked shiny pink bows, the girls who liked to shave their body hair, the girls who dreamed of bringing their boyfriends to prom. See the problem yet?
My entire identity as a “feminist” revolved around, you guessed it: Men. Not only did I make it my entire personality to be a “man repeller”, I also took that opportunity to shame the women who didn’t hate them.
I was shaming other women for liking what society thinks of as “girly” things. And by shaming them, I was shaming me. I convinced myself that it was shameful to have crushes, to want to dress up, even to yearn for someone’s attention. I was burying parts of me that existed, I just didn’t want them to.
I was creating the most stark, black and white representation of gender and feeding the gender binary with every judgment I passed. Being feminine, in fact, has nothing to do with gender or sex.
Photo credit: Danika Karolinski
What I’ve been healing in myself is not just my understanding of femininity, but my understanding of what the Divine Feminine is. I’ve dove into that healing process through my music. I began putting together the concept for my album at the start of 2019, writing about women in my life who have influenced and shaped me. Today, the entire album is written, but my deeper understanding of the project has grown so much over the course of creating it.
Loving what it means to be feminine is the final stretch of my growth. Being feminine has nothing to do with bows, body hair or sexual orientation. Femininity is the Divine Feminine: something that everyone possesses: It is energy.
The Divine Feminine is Power, it is Vulnerability, it is… Openness! The Divine Feminine is a celebration of growth, of curiosity, of support. And THAT is what my album is about. Every song on the album is inspired by a woman that has taught me to foster parts of the Divine Feminine. There are songs about personal growth, there are songs about loyalty, about nurture, there are songs about love despite the lack of it, there are songs about unapologetic anger and standing up for ourselves, and there are songs about loving fiercely. It runs so much deeper that men, women, taking sides, and judgment: we are all a part of the Divine Feminine.
So when I watched recently “Miss Congeniality” for the first time in years, I realized that it completely encapsulates my journey. She begins the film leading with anger towards men, judgment for women, and was weighed down by that energy. In the end, she was changed by the women in the Miss America pageant and ultimately freed. Just as Gracie Hart said at the end of the film: “It is an honor” to be divinely feminine.
One song off my upcoming album is out now. “Open” is about being receptive to change and growth. I hope you will listen and feel freed by the words and message.