Helping people is a necessity

Helping people is a necessity in my life.

Maybe it's because I know what's it's like to not get the help and support in times of need. Or maybe it's because I know what it's like to feel alone. Maybe it's because I experienced times where I felt like I should have been treated better.

I come from an environment where asking for help was either a subject of anger or a subject of obligation because we're family and family is "everything". And if you don't help family, you’re seen as a “bad” person. But sometimes you're just tired of constantly helping and not receiving anything in return. It can get mentally and emotionally draining. 

That same environment never supported my choices and career. I always felt alone and misunderstood. They made me feel like I was never good enough. Every time I would do or say something, it was either garbage or stupid or just not good enough. I felt like I was a problem. I felt unloved.

I stopped doing things for these people and I immediately starting to be the underdog of the family. I started to be more serious. I spent a lot of time on my own because I was too afraid of society. I started to be my own best friend. I stopped talking about myself because I felt like everybody was judging me. (I also found out that many people don't really care about what you and what you do. But they are always so excited to talk about them. I learned to stay quiet because I think no one really gives a shit. In a room full of people, I will mostly sit and listen.)

I felt completely. I decided to do something about it. I live by this quote: 'treat people the way you want to be treated'. 

So I started helping people more, for all the reasons I mentioned above. Helping people gave me satisfaction, purpose and inner peace. I loved (and I still do) seeing people happy. I know some people only "help" others because they expect something in return. They will make you remember that one time they helped you and will use it against you. They think you owe them. Fuck these people.

I don't help/support because I want/need something in return. I help because I genuinely care about you. I believe in you. I love you and I’d do anything I can to support you. All I want in return is your gratitude. Nothing else. I barely ask for help. And when I do, I get super anxious and uncomfortable. I want to be the one that helps people. There were times I helped the wrong people. I am still learning from that. I'm that person who thinks everybody is kind and loving but it's a lie. You have to help the right people; the ones who treat you with respect.  

Helping people has become my greatest purpose in life and I'm happy to live this life. (even though it can get lonely and sometimes I feel completely empty. But when I do feel empty, I re-connect with myself and take care of my mind and body. Self-care is important 💜).

I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I have bad days. I care a lot about how people perceive me. Sometimes I replay situations and conversations in my head and think how I could have made things better. I want to be remembered as a good person, and as this thoughtful person who did her very best to help people, even during her toughest times. 

Much love,

- Virginie