"Do Therapists?", an open letter by She Is Jules
Dear Mental Health,
I remember the day that you could no longer be silent. I had just been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that required a heavy treatment plan. It had been months since my diagnosis, but it finally hit me; all at once. The day after I took my medication, I sat in the corner in my room, exhausted, fatigued, and most of al, ill. I asked myself questions like, “am I really going to have to do this forever? What’s the point?” These were the questions that sat in the back of my mind all time when I had to come to terms with my incurable disease.
I had the idea for “Do Therapists?” while I was taking a shower. I was getting ready for my therapy session and I thought to myself, “does she also see a therapist? Because I’m about to tell her a lot of heavy things right now.” And I also thought, “who does she have to talk to about this?” I think the more I’ve grown, the more I’ve realized that anxiety and depression start from little thoughts like this. The thought of “do I have too much baggage?” like I say in the chorus of my song.
While “Do Therapists?” is an empathetic song, it also holds a lot of guilt. Feeling like a burden to someone else whose sole job is to listen to my problems. I think what’s interesting about this song is that if you listen to the protagonist, you can hear that she is empathetic but also struggling herself. Like how in the verse where I’m talking about worrying about other people- and it snaps back to “sometimes I like to overthink at least that’s what she tells me, with a pen in her hand.” The reason why I wrote this song in the first place is because I was using music to cope. I’m one of those people who processes information out loud, so I began to talk about my disease in almost every conversation. Once I became aware of what I was doing, I turned to therapy and music. I think it’s important for me to release this song because I’ve realized what’s the point of releasing music if I’m not being truthful in it? I was struggling and this is how I coped. And I hope I can help others who are experiencing similar things cope as well.
What’s funny is that I had been going to therapy for months. I had done everything in my power to keep the inevitable - which was a mental breakdown - from happening. Eventually, it all came out; the intrusive thoughts, the fast heartbeat, the feeling like I’m losing control of myself. Sure, drinking less caffeine helped, and talking it out helped - sometimes. I’ve learned that you can do all the yoga, therapy, mental health walks in the world - but sometimes the only way is through. And the constant reminder that - yes - you are going to make it through.