PHEA
PHEA has just released her new single “I Saw You” and it’s a song you will need to hear. It’s poignant and important. “I Saw You” is about her personal experience with sexual abuse. The production is captivating, the melodies are mesmerizing and the lyrics are empowering. This song will definitely have a big impact musically, but it will also be an anthem for any woman who’s ever been abused. The message to remember is this: your trauma is valid.
PHEA delivered a massive single with “I Saw You” by letting women know that they’re not alone.
”I Saw You” is now available everywhere !
Photo credit: Alenjandro Spano
Introduce yourself - what's your story?
My name is PHEA I am a singer, songwriter and producer. I am half-american half-german and grew up in southern Germany. When people ask me about my story, I never know how to sum it up casually. I had a bit of a hard start healthwise. And even though it is not always easy, I’d say it shaped me as a person and my music as an artist and producer tremendously. Dealing with a chronic illness at a young age gave me perspective, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I’d say the most important person in my childhood was my twin sister, Jacqueline. Other than me, she doesn't have Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy, which is a potentially fatal heart condition that tends to go undiscovered in people affected. I had a heart attack at age ten, which led to open-heart surgery and the implantation of my first defibrillator. I get asked a lot if it was hard growing up with a healthy twin sister. But looking back, it was the best thing that could have happened to me. Her mentality and “privilege” of having a healthy body became mine as well. I was able to forget about my health and never let anyone tell me I couldn’t do something because of my heart condition. As a producer and musician, she was also the person who initially inspired me to start producing my songs on my own.
"I Saw You" is your new single? What's the story/inspiration behind this single?
“I Saw You” tells the story of sexual harassment and abuse through the eyes of a victim. It is inspired by my own experience as well as that of others. Over the last two years I was able to reflect on a lot. While talking to other women and men about this subject, I realized how many people are affected by it and started writing down my thoughts in bits and pieces.
Could you describe the songwriting/production process for this single? Who helped you create it?
I had already put down most of the lyrics on my phone when Raphael Neikes and I started writing “I Saw You” together. Initially, I wasn’t certain if I was ever going to use them for a song.
Out of nowhere, Raphael laid down the heavy bass and chords of the chorus. I improvised the melody and lyrics over it and quickly realized that the mood we set would be perfect for what I wanted to say. Honest, empowering, strong and fierce. We finished almost the whole production in that session. The only thing added later on are some backing vocals I recorded over a year later in Venice, LA.
What did you feel when writing this song?
I had mixed feelings. I knew right from the beginning this song would be hard for me to release. Then again, when you don’t really know how to put your thoughts to words it feels liberating when you find a way to say exactly what you have been trying to, for the longest time.
What made you want to release "I Saw You" as a single?
I think, just like most victims, I never got any closure. I realized I was not the only one starting to gaslight myself in a way that made my experience and emotions “invalid”. This song made me realize that I was not at fault for what had happened and that my trauma is valid. I guess foremost, releasing it is a promise to myself. To stay true to myself and not let anyone have control over my thoughts or body like that ever again.
What do you want people to feel when listening to this song?
The National Violence Against Women Prevention Research Center has studied the effects of sexual abuse and has come to the conclusion that victims are 3 times more likely to develop a major depressive episode and 4.1 more times likely to have contemplated suicide. https://mainweb-v.musc.edu/vawprevention/research/mentalimpact.shtml
I would hope that people feel empowered to speak up. If it is, getting the help you need and deserve or calling out injustice when you see it and showing support to someone who doesn’t have the power to speak up themselves. The more we talk about it, the more people won’t feel alone.
What message do you want to give to anyone who's ever been abused?
Your trauma is valid, your voice is important, and healing is not a linear process.
What can you tell us about the music video?
For the music video, I worked closely with my good friend Lucy Dye. She is an artist and producer herself and helped me develop the concept, storyboard and visual aesthetic for this CGI music video. Just as I do with music, I visually wanted to turn my weaknesses into strengths. I have an implanted defibrillator and numerous scars from open-heart surgery and the time I spent in the hospital following my heart attack at age ten. I used to be very insecure about my body and heart condition. Now in my twenties, I have a better relationship with myself and really wanted to highlight my strengths visually. We channeled a Cyborg-Worriar-Aesthetic working with Itar pas, an outstanding Berlin based 3D artist. He created the CGI music video in which “PHEA” fights off perpetrators as a cyborg, and gives a glimpse into the reality and journey a victim is confronted with.
As an artist, what is the hardest part? And what is the best part?
I would say living up to my own artistic expectations. Then again, I do not think I’ve ever felt happier than when I feel like I am able to express exactly what I want to with my lyrics, sound and visuals.
What are your thoughts on today's music industry? If you could change one thing, what would it be?
The industry will continually change and evolve. I try not to focus on the negative because it's energy I could invest better into something else. But especially as a woman and female producer, it can be hard to navigate the industry. I am excited to see that women's voices are being heard more and more. I hope that continues to change.
What's the best advice you've ever received?
Growing up, I often looked to poetry for emotional support. One of my favorite poets is Rudy Francisco. In his book Helium he wrote “I am learning that the difference between a garden and a graveyard is only what you choose to put in the ground”.
What biggest lessons have you learned this year?
Healing is not a linear process.
In your opinion, what would make the world a better place?
Showing more empathy.
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