2024 thoughts
This year is slowly coming to an end so I thought I'd start sharing some thoughts about 2024 now, because my brain has been thinking a lot lately :)
Last year was a tough one for me so the beginning of 2024 had some of the shit I left in 2023 haha :) I experienced negative things I never got to experience before. But that's life. Experiencing the good and the bad.
Health wise, I felt defeated and alone. I quickly realized how lonely it could get when you have an invisible auto-immune disease with invisible symptoms. Probably one of the worst times of my life. The first part of 2024 only felt like a struggle. But fortunately, it got better, and it feels like I'm starting to live again. After almost 4 years of challenges, I'm officially in remission, and I feel great both mentally and physically. I will always have to fight for my health, but for now I'm enjoying every moment.
People don't really talk about broken friendships but man, that one hurts. Dealing with this and health issues kinda broke me inside. I'm still healing from that. I still feel sad and angry at times but it's getting better. The worst part is that this "friend" made me feel like I was the villain in the story, when all I did was support her. I guess the hardest part is knowing that some friendships can end, and understanding and accepting that it's okay to be the "bad guy" in the story, even though it's not true. In fact, this friendship got so broken that one of the gifts she offered me last Christmas kept falling apart - but I kept putting it back together. I was still the one trying to fix things and making all these efforts but she didn't even try, at all. Finally, I learned to let go. The Universe has funny ways to send you messages.
All these experiences had negative impacts on everything else in my life for a minute. I kinda put life on pause for half of this year. But I guess it was part of the process. I took the time I needed to heal. But it feels like grief was the big theme this year. There are different forms of grief. I kinda experienced and watched all these different forms and surprisingly, everything hurt, haha. From going through that friendship grief to seeing another friend go through a breakup and a friendship breakup as well, to seeing/supporting one of your best friends grieving her father in ways I’ve never seen before. Probably one of the most devastating moments as adults. But this is all part of life. And the older we get, the more we will experience grief, in all these different forms.
It's November 25th of 2024 today. Despite all these difficult moments, life has been great, joyful and full of beautiful surprises. I reconnected with friends I haven't seen/talked to in decades, I experienced new incredibles adventures with old friends, I smiled and laughed so much. I managed to create a tight relationship with some members of my family (if you asked me 3 years ago, I would have told you it was impossible). My hypersensitivity took more space in my life; feelings and emotions, sounds and noise and smells. I had to relearn how to control all that and it forced me to really focus on me and my mental health and to set boundaries. Although I often say my hypersensitivity is a curse, it is also a gift. I’m learning to say "no" and to stand my ground. I am done being a "people pleaser". That part is still a learning process for me (I’ve been learning for 109 years though, when am I going to learn for good???!!! haha). It's probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do because I always feel like I’m a bad person for putting myself first (ugh life is hard !!). But I'm proud of myself and it's a big step for me. So high 5 to myself.
Professionally, I'm hoping to have a BETTER year in 2025. I didn't really have the time to fully focus on my professional projects until recently. I think 2025 will be challenging but yet fulfilling. Let’s hope so.
And finally, here are some of the lessons I learned this year: Always be kind and respectful to others but also, stand your ground and speak up when it's necessary. Don't pay too much attention to all the noise and to what others might think of you because in the end, they're too busy thinking about their own life and their own issues. Be you, protect yourself and your mental health. It's okay to say "no", it’s okay to say “no”, it’s okay to say “no” !! Give, support and help people, but don’t lose yourself in the process. Stick to your daily healthy routine because your health comes first. Love unconditionally, and give zero fucks because in the end, no one gives a fuck.
Alright, I’m tired. Send me new music :)