Boundaries

My current mental health state:

As some of you may know, I’ve been practicing yoga every day since last year, as well as daily meditation and breathing exercises. These tools allow me to regulate my stress and anxiety - and Graves’ disease. These tools also allow me to fully express my true self.

I used to be scared of expressing who I really was: this girl who lives in her own little world of magic and creativity, this girl with dreams and goals, this girl who just wants to do what she loves, to work in the music industry, to live her dreams and be happy.

I used to be scared of expressing my emotions, of speaking up, of setting boundaries.

I come from a family that avoids real conversations and having emotions is forbidden. I’ve never had any real conversations with any of them - just casual conversations about food, events and school. I often felt like I wasn’t good enough and everything I did was never good enough. Caring for someone else was very hard for them. But not caring at all was seen as a bad thing. Helping family was a MUST no matter how good or bad they would treat you, no matter all the sacrifices you had to make. No matter how much it would affect you emotionally. Family is everything. (family is important but not as important as your own mental health). Being “happy” for others was not a thing. I only remember a lot of criticism and a lot of “you’re stupid” or “you’re not doing anything with your life”. Growing up, no one ever tried to understand me so I would write all my thoughts on my diary. I only remember a lot of sadness and loneliness. But also a lot of dreams.

I used to say “yes” to everything and everyone. I’ve lived most of my life trying to please people around me, I didn’t know that boundaries even existed and I ended up in this very unhealthy cycle where people wouldn’t leave me any choice because I would say “yes” to them all the fucking time. And why is that ?

Well, I didn’t want them to feel annoyed or disappointed. I didn’t want them to think that I’m selfish or that I’m a bad person. I didn’t want to make myself feel guilty about saying “no”.

But it all made me even more anxious and stressed, and sick. Saying “yes” to something I didn’t want to do was giving me a huge amount of stress on a daily basis. There are a lot of times where I didn’t want to go somewhere but said “yes” anyway so I often had to wear that “fake happy” mask or pretend to be social when deep down, I only wanted to be left alone.

I’m an introvert. I’m a hypersensitive person. I like being by myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I also love people and I Iove being around friends and family. But being around people for too long can be very exhausting for me. Hearing too much noise and too many voices around me can be a nightmare. It tires me emotionally and mentally.

Now that I’ve started setting boundaries, things have been a bit weird and positive at the same time. Some people do understand, some people don’t, some people pretend to understand but in reality, they are confused and maybe a bit annoyed. And I get that. This is new. Having real conversations can be scary for some people. Talking about mental health is still taboo. Expressing our emotions is not always seen as “normal”. And I’ve been saying “yes” to them for so long, I can’t just expect them to adapt right away. This is new. This is a change for everybody and that can be difficult to understand.

I don’t want to be annoying and be this person who always says “no”. But I definitely want to be able to set boundaries to protect my own mental health. I simply want to be free to feel sad, overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, worried, depressed. And I want to be able to do whatever the fuck I want - whenever I want. To say “no” whenever I want.

I don’t want to have to pretend and to force myself to do things I don’t want to do anymore. I’ve had enough.

I feel like I’ve wasted so much of my life pleasing people, helping people and saying “yes” that I forgot about myself and my own mental health.

Thankfully, I’ve grown a lot since last year and I’ve learned to put myself first before everyone else. It’s not selfish. It’s a gift I’m doing for myself. Probably the most important gift I can offer to myself.

It’s hard. Expressing my emotions and setting boundaries is hard. I still feel guilty. I still feel like I’m fucking annoying. But I STILL set those boundaries. I know it will get easier and this is a step towards healing.

From my all time favorite movie Matilda.

Set boundaries.

Protect yourself.

Love yourself.

Take care of your mental health.

-

Here are 3 accounts that have been helping me a lot:

@the.holistic.psychologist & her book “How To Do The Work”

@drcarolineleaf

@realdepressionproject

Sending love to everyone. You are not alone 💜💜💜

Please share/comment if you relate to my story 💜

-Virginie