That Backstreet Boys concert that healed a part of me

I really need to write about this.

I went to see one of my specialists last week. She’s a micro-physiotherapist (the real French term is “micro-kiné”). For those who don’t know, “micro-physiotherapy is a manual technique which has the purpose of finding in the patient’s body, the cause of the symptoms (...) and enables to make a global check of the body and cure it. It’s by deleting the causes that we (the practitioners) are going to enable the organism to find back its capabilities. The way to do it is, to go back to the root of the problem and put the light on it which enables the body to create its mechanism of defense”. (source)

The practitioner touches different parts of your body (mostly the head, hands, fingers, back, legs and feet - for me, it was mostly the back because this is where I felt a lot of pain) and figures out the root causes of your traumas. I’ve been seeing her ever since I got diagnosed with Graves’ disease. I’ve been learning that my past traumas and deep emotions had a huge impact on my mental and physical health and every time I see her, she reveals past traumas that are still affecting me (and sometimes without even being aware). She asked me if something happened when I was 4, when I was 13, and sometimes she asks more personal questions that trigger memories and feelings, and reveals things you forgot about or things you buried. This time, she told me how much death had a huge impact in my life ever since I was 4 years old. The second important thing she noticed is the loneliness. She asked me if I ever felt lonely and if I ever felt rejected by my siblings and other members of my family growing up. I told her I always felt lonely. I would spend a lot of time on my own because my sisters were older than me. They didn’t want to do anything with me. I was too young and too annoying. I remember times where they would be like “get out of here”, “I’m ashamed of you”. They’d always make fun of me. I didn’t realize it back then but it was very hurtful and very lonely. That feeling can still be here because I’ve been living with this feeling for most of my life.

You can usually feel the effects of a micro-physiotherapy session a few days after, and even a week after.

Two days later, I went to see the Backstreet Boys for the first time of my life. I went with one of my sisters. At first, I was just super excited to finally get to see my favorite band growing up. But during the show, it meant more and the effects of that session started to appear really clearly throughout the whole evening. I grew up listening to them, I learned English listening to their music and to their interviews. I still remember every lyric of every song because I used to write down every lyric on paper. That’s how I learned English. I learned by ear. I used to listen to them in my bedroom while the rest of my family was having fun. I felt lonely. I felt rejected. But I wasn’t really alone. I had music and I had English. While I listened to them, I discovered a huge passion for music and for English - which led me to where I am today, that girl who works in the music industry. During the show, I felt emotional a few times and especially during “Show Me the meaning of Being Lonely”. When everyone was singing along, I started to feel very emotional, and everything just started to make sense to me. Man, I know exactly how it feels to be lonely. But this time, I wasn’t alone anymore. I never got to share any special moment with any of my siblings until that night, until my 30s. This show was a beautiful moment for me. It took me back to my childhood, to those times where I would sit alone in my bedroom listening to their records. Singing all these songs with the crowd almost felt spiritual and it was definitely a healing moment for me. It’s hard to explain. It just felt like I didn’t have to worry anymore. But most of all, being with my sister meant everything to me. She never wanted to take me to any of their concert when I was a kid. But she did this time. Most people would be like “well, you’ve grown, you’re both adults now. It’s different”. And that is true. But when you’ve been living with that feeling of loneliness for most of your life, you start to think beyond that thought - especially during your healing process, and especially after seeing a practitioner who’s helping you remove those traumas.

I talked to another one of my specialists today who told me “I’m so happy you finally got to spend some happy moments with someone you care about, your sister”. And I started crying when she said that, and I am still crying while typing this.

I’m still healing. I am getting better every day. And I will always be thankful for music, for my friends and the practitioners who have been helping me understand my strengths.

My all time favorite movie is Matilda. I can totally relate to her story. She was born in a family that doesn’t appreciate her for who she really is (even though she is the brightest and smarted kid you could ever wish for), and she ended up feeling very lonely and would spend a lot of time reading books. That is her escape. She is different from the rest of the world, but in the best possible way.

My escape was music. I cry every time I watch some scenes because I can totally relate. It takes me back to my childhood. BUT, things do get better. This movie also makes me feel powerful.

And today, I’d say to myself: You don’t have to feel alone anymore. Things are different now and you don’t have to feel like you have to hide anymore. Be yourself and don’t be afraid to show the world your super powers.