The pressure of being an entrepreneur

Life has been full of surprises thus far. 2023 has been quite interesting so far. I’ve been taking more risks, and I’ve been trying new things. But still, life still feels like a constant battle. My mental health has been all over the place. My anxiety and stress are still here. I overthink, I overstressed over the little things. Even though my mental health has been getting better, it still has its challenges. Sometimes it feels like it’s just too much. Too much to do, too much to handle. My anxiety can’t keep up. Today I feel mentally and physically exhausted. And I hate feeling like this. Despite all of this, I somehow still find the strength to do what needs to be done. I still accomplish every task, I still wake up at 7am and do all the things I need to do. I stick to my daily routine. I work every day. I stay focused, disciplined, motivated and determined. But until when?

I think I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself. I’m 36 today. I have this company. And I feel so much pressure from people around me and society in general. They may not say anything, I just feel like they’re wondering “when is she going to get a real job?”. My number one goal right now is to succeed. It has become so crucial, it almost makes me angry to not be able to be where I need to be. I know I need to practice patience. But it’s getting harder. So I am working harder. Although I know I need to take breaks, and I need to stop putting all that pressure on myself. Sometimes I get tired of trying and trying and getting more and more obstacles. But at the same time, I am still happy and excited to work on this company. Like I said, I still stay focused and I still love what I do. I just can’t quite figure out the right balance wit patience, pressure and my company.

But one positive point is that my mental health has been improving in some way. Back in the day, I would just stop trying and I would only think negative thoughts. No matter what I feel, I just try to stay positive and think positive thoughts. And that is one of the reasons why I am still standing. I’m proud of that.

Doing it all by yourself is fucking hard. I can’t get rid of this pressure I’m putting on myself. It’s getting stronger.

I honestly don’t know where all of this is going to lead me but I won’t give up until I succeed.

What is my definition of success as an entrepreneur? Being happy and being able to get paid monthly while getting to do what I love: helping artists. It has never been about money for me. Helping artists is what I love the most and I will continue to do this for a very long time. But making money + doing what I love is the ultimate goal for me. Others can actually do this, why not me?

I’m not there yet, but I am getting there.

Stay tuned :)